Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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