Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In America we eat man semen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
