The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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