There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize