Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I intend to get homeless drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
