I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
