Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
