I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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