Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
