Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
