I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
