We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
