Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
