i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
