what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
