I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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