I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
