I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
