so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She bit a glass in half.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
