Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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