Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize