fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
