So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
