I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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