At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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