Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
