Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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