ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
