Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
