somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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