I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
