He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
