i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
