We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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