It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
