I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
