it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
