I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
