I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
