She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize