Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
