So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize