no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
