Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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