What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
