thus making me awesome and them whores
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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