I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
