Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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