I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
