I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize