Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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