dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
