If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
