I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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