sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
