you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
