life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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