Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
