Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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