so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
