His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
