Just cropdusted the office
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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