Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
