Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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