TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
