Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
