If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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