Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
