I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
