dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
