it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize